MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
So this video game Berzerk fucking KILLS people, yo. No joke. Gawdammett. Two times it caused some weird teenagers, who where 19 and 18 respect of lee at the time, to die of a heart attack just after posting their nice new high scores.
Death you guys. You brain puts in the body of a tiny yellow man in a big blue room and there’s fucking pure CLOWNFACE FUCKING ALIEN TERROR bearing down on you and the beep oh pow you jump back out into your shitty 80’s clothes or whatever, and you look at the screen like (dope!) and it says you did real well, and actually the first kid FUCKS THIS SHIT UP EVEN MORE BY GETTING THE SCORE 16,660 before he fucking goes down and dies right the fuck there. SIX SIX SIX THIS GAME IS SATAN YO.
Did some goob somewhere on their old ass grey computer discover the program exactly made to kill those two young guyses? Was the demon of the game coaxed out? Did they stumble upon something they shouldn’t have and covertly get silenced? AFTER ALL, THE GOVERNMENT’S ALWAYS TRYANNA PRANK US WITH VEE GAMES, AMIRITE POLYBIUS?
I don’t know. But like, fuck? Two guys? Maybe one really unhealthy guy goes down this super sucky way, but two? Seems so no way. MEH. METH.
CLICK. INTRUDER ALERT. CLICK. SHIT ON YOUR EYES BITCH. CLICK. Hey, but click that pic though. There’s so much more to read about it. JUST KIDDING I HOPE YOUR FACE BURNS OFF BETCH.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

So this video game Berzerk fucking KILLS people, yo. No joke. Gawdammett. Two times it caused some weird teenagers, who where 19 and 18 respect of lee at the time, to die of a heart attack just after posting their nice new high scores.

Death you guys. You brain puts in the body of a tiny yellow man in a big blue room and there’s fucking pure CLOWNFACE FUCKING ALIEN TERROR bearing down on you and the beep oh pow you jump back out into your shitty 80’s clothes or whatever, and you look at the screen like (dope!) and it says you did real well, and actually the first kid FUCKS THIS SHIT UP EVEN MORE BY GETTING THE SCORE 16,660 before he fucking goes down and dies right the fuck there. SIX SIX SIX THIS GAME IS SATAN YO.

Did some goob somewhere on their old ass grey computer discover the program exactly made to kill those two young guyses? Was the demon of the game coaxed out? Did they stumble upon something they shouldn’t have and covertly get silenced? AFTER ALL, THE GOVERNMENT’S ALWAYS TRYANNA PRANK US WITH VEE GAMES, AMIRITE POLYBIUS?

I don’t know. But like, fuck? Two guys? Maybe one really unhealthy guy goes down this super sucky way, but two? Seems so no way. MEH. METH.

CLICK. INTRUDER ALERT. CLICK. SHIT ON YOUR EYES BITCH. CLICK. Hey, but click that pic though. There’s so much more to read about it. JUST KIDDING I HOPE YOUR FACE BURNS OFF BETCH.


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
“Who put Bella in the Witch Elm?” is what the graffiti says that’s been showing up for FUCK, like 50 or 60 years motherfucking years since the 1940’s. Finally stopped (FOR NOW I GUESS) in 1999. Nobody knows who’s asking, but you bet your cut-ass bodies everybody knows what they’re asking about. AT LEAST IF YOU LIVE IN THE RIGHT PART OF ENGLAND.
Anyway these dumb fucking kids find a head stuffed five feet up in a creepy ass witch elm witch hazel bush thing. They fucking FREAK, but finally one of them gets the nuts to tell some grown-ups and GUESS THE FUCK WHAT there’s a whole lady’s body crammed up in there. Problem is, no one knows who the hell it was. It was World War II so the cops were all fucked to hell, record-keeping was piss, and there was no real way to find out who she was, even though she had some pretty unique teeth I guess. Oh yeah, and she was missing her hand in the tree. Her hand was not in the tree. It was missing.
The hand sends shit out of control. Graffiti starts popping up. No one knows what the fuck. Some scholar on old forms of magic and witchcraft pipes up and says it looks like a Black Magic ritual assassination. YEAH. A REAL THING. MAN.
So that story spreads. Then there’s these German spies she might be one of too. More Graffiti. A pregnant woman murdered by the baby’s father. A poor lost soul hiding from the blitz. More and more and more. Graffiti graffiti graffiti. Til forever. Til now.
BUT WHAT GETS ME IS LIKE: IS THE GRAFFITI FROM PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW OR THE ONE DUDE WHO DEFINITELY DOES? FUCKING FREAKY. CLICK CLICK CLICK. DICK DICK CLICK.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

“Who put Bella in the Witch Elm?” is what the graffiti says that’s been showing up for FUCK, like 50 or 60 years motherfucking years since the 1940’s. Finally stopped (FOR NOW I GUESS) in 1999. Nobody knows who’s asking, but you bet your cut-ass bodies everybody knows what they’re asking about. AT LEAST IF YOU LIVE IN THE RIGHT PART OF ENGLAND.

Anyway these dumb fucking kids find a head stuffed five feet up in a creepy ass witch elm witch hazel bush thing. They fucking FREAK, but finally one of them gets the nuts to tell some grown-ups and GUESS THE FUCK WHAT there’s a whole lady’s body crammed up in there. Problem is, no one knows who the hell it was. It was World War II so the cops were all fucked to hell, record-keeping was piss, and there was no real way to find out who she was, even though she had some pretty unique teeth I guess. Oh yeah, and she was missing her hand in the tree. Her hand was not in the tree. It was missing.

The hand sends shit out of control. Graffiti starts popping up. No one knows what the fuck. Some scholar on old forms of magic and witchcraft pipes up and says it looks like a Black Magic ritual assassination. YEAH. A REAL THING. MAN.

So that story spreads. Then there’s these German spies she might be one of too. More Graffiti. A pregnant woman murdered by the baby’s father. A poor lost soul hiding from the blitz. More and more and more. Graffiti graffiti graffiti. Til forever. Til now.

BUT WHAT GETS ME IS LIKE: IS THE GRAFFITI FROM PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW OR THE ONE DUDE WHO DEFINITELY DOES? FUCKING FREAKY. CLICK CLICK CLICK. DICK DICK CLICK.


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
The idea of ghost train gains creepiness when applied to a city subway line because it’s part of what happens everyday. It’s like ghost roulette. Is this the ghost one? Cause I heard there’s a ghost one.
N E WAYZ Silverpilen is one of these fucking city ghosts. Legend has it, there’s a solitary silver car or train when all the rest are supposed to be green, where ever the fuck part of Stockholm it’s in. It has no ads on it, and it looks broken down, but the most AFFECTING PART, YOU KNOW, THE PART THAT TICKLES MY BUTT HAIRS, is that that’s all there is to it. Just like an extra ghost train that’s around.
It seems more likely that something like this could be true than scarier stuff for me I think, because this seems so much less obvious. Why would there be a silver ghost train? Why would somebody say that? It doesn’t seem like fucking anything if you ask me. But real talk, THE FUCKING SILVERPILEN.
Cool.
CLICK YOU DOUR WITCHES BREW FUCKING CROTCHETY PEEBLASTERS. CLICK BUTTS. CLICK BUTTS TOGETHER AS ONE.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

The idea of ghost train gains creepiness when applied to a city subway line because it’s part of what happens everyday. It’s like ghost roulette. Is this the ghost one? Cause I heard there’s a ghost one.

N E WAYZ Silverpilen is one of these fucking city ghosts. Legend has it, there’s a solitary silver car or train when all the rest are supposed to be green, where ever the fuck part of Stockholm it’s in. It has no ads on it, and it looks broken down, but the most AFFECTING PART, YOU KNOW, THE PART THAT TICKLES MY BUTT HAIRS, is that that’s all there is to it. Just like an extra ghost train that’s around.

It seems more likely that something like this could be true than scarier stuff for me I think, because this seems so much less obvious. Why would there be a silver ghost train? Why would somebody say that? It doesn’t seem like fucking anything if you ask me. But real talk, THE FUCKING SILVERPILEN.

Cool.

CLICK YOU DOUR WITCHES BREW FUCKING CROTCHETY PEEBLASTERS. CLICK BUTTS. CLICK BUTTS TOGETHER AS ONE.


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
The farther back you go, the more people believed magic existed, or at least fucking like weren’t so sure that modern society would be able to weather anything the unknown could throw at them yet.
Puzzle that shit out, goddamn it. That’s why in fucking 1817, when a guy sees a beast in his fields that’s made of parts from two different animals, he just shoots it, watches it vanish before his motherfucking EYES, and carries on with his day instead of like, shitting and calling the police.
Eh, just some weird magical shit I don’t understand, he thinks. Fuck him. That was a dog with the head of a rabbit you just saw float away as a mist you asshole. Nut up and tell someone smarter than you. Easiest thing in the GEE DEE world.
But he doesn’t, and guess what the tits happens. Shit no one could catch or see starts screaming at you from outside your cabin and beating on the walls.  Children in the house hear rat teeth chattering as their bedsheets are pulled around and twisted by an invisible force.
The voice gets stronger. OH SHIT. Now it’s singing. Repeating the words exactly of two sermons at a time; sermons which occurred on the same day as the incident, thirteen miles apart. Holding conversations with this literally shitless ass scared fucking family of farmers all throughout the night, threatening death always.
The hunters come to stop it. They get fucking possessed and beat the shit out of themselves. It wouldn’t stop torturing one of the older children until she broke off her engagement with the love of her life. THIS IS SHIT THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO THE BELL FARM.
YES BITCH. REAL. LISTEN TO THIS GODDAMN NEXT PART. JOHN BELL, THE PATRIARCH OF THE FAMILY, DIED…and by this point everyone was calling this thing THE WITCH. THE WITCH shows everyone a vial of poison, which kills the family cat instantly, that it hid in the, fuck, the motherfucking CUPBOARD, and it said it killed John with it.
It didn’t stop. The family left the area after, but that doesn’t stop fucking TERRIFYING SHIT TO STILL BE REPORTED THERE NOWADAYS AND ALL THE GODDAMN TIME TOO.
SO YOU KNOW THE DRILL YOU GROSS ASS BABIES. CLICK THIS SHIT OR I’LL SPILT OPEN YOUR BOOTIES AND POUR IN PURE SALT I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD I WILL.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

The farther back you go, the more people believed magic existed, or at least fucking like weren’t so sure that modern society would be able to weather anything the unknown could throw at them yet.

Puzzle that shit out, goddamn it. That’s why in fucking 1817, when a guy sees a beast in his fields that’s made of parts from two different animals, he just shoots it, watches it vanish before his motherfucking EYES, and carries on with his day instead of like, shitting and calling the police.

Eh, just some weird magical shit I don’t understand, he thinks. Fuck him. That was a dog with the head of a rabbit you just saw float away as a mist you asshole. Nut up and tell someone smarter than you. Easiest thing in the GEE DEE world.

But he doesn’t, and guess what the tits happens. Shit no one could catch or see starts screaming at you from outside your cabin and beating on the walls.  Children in the house hear rat teeth chattering as their bedsheets are pulled around and twisted by an invisible force.

The voice gets stronger. OH SHIT. Now it’s singing. Repeating the words exactly of two sermons at a time; sermons which occurred on the same day as the incident, thirteen miles apart. Holding conversations with this literally shitless ass scared fucking family of farmers all throughout the night, threatening death always.

The hunters come to stop it. They get fucking possessed and beat the shit out of themselves. It wouldn’t stop torturing one of the older children until she broke off her engagement with the love of her life. THIS IS SHIT THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO THE BELL FARM.

YES BITCH. REAL. LISTEN TO THIS GODDAMN NEXT PART. JOHN BELL, THE PATRIARCH OF THE FAMILY, DIED…and by this point everyone was calling this thing THE WITCH. THE WITCH shows everyone a vial of poison, which kills the family cat instantly, that it hid in the, fuck, the motherfucking CUPBOARD, and it said it killed John with it.

It didn’t stop. The family left the area after, but that doesn’t stop fucking TERRIFYING SHIT TO STILL BE REPORTED THERE NOWADAYS AND ALL THE GODDAMN TIME TOO.

SO YOU KNOW THE DRILL YOU GROSS ASS BABIES. CLICK THIS SHIT OR I’LL SPILT OPEN YOUR BOOTIES AND POUR IN PURE SALT I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD I WILL.


BONUS MYSTERY.

Who is this reptilian 666 devil guarding President Obama? Just kidding but NOT REALLY.


Q
Why is my mum your mum
Anonymous
A

Not sure. Will ask around.


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
Just what is it that makes a spy the fucking BEST? How does anyone even know who the best fucking spy is? Fuck spies.
William Colby was the head of the CIAntral Intelligence Agency for three years in the fucking seventies, but before that he had his fingers all over shit like Vietnam and Phoenix. If you’re imagining like, a really shrewd looking bastard with like, a really American face and just the most BORING FUCKING GLASSES, you’re right bitch. That’s William MOTHERFUCKING E. Colby. This dude was tops.
But guess what, KIDS? He was so the fucking tops that this dude finally told everybody about a bunch of really bad shit the government did. For some SHITTY ASS REASON, the government called this information their Family Jewels. Oh shit. We’re the worst. No sweat dude. Imagine America’s a body. Got it? Sick. This shit we did’ll be the balls. IT’S A DEAL.
I bet you think that I’m going to tell you that someone fucking killed him for it. Maybe. Probably not. I don’t, look, I don’t fucking know why he died, and guess what, it was in the 90’s when he was an old ass man. YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT WAS SHADY AS FUCK THOUGH.
This weird stern bird of a man, according to like, the law and shit, died in a boating accident in New England where he lived and did a bunch of quiet old boring non-spy (probably) shit. Something about a heart attack or something. But like, there’s all this weirdness. Just before he died, for this story, which like, if you gotta read the whole thing, just click the fucking picture, but like, for this version of the story to work, he would have had to have completely broken a routine he was very set in, and then, according to people who found him, he would have had to have defied the laws of physics. He was found somewhere people already looked, washed up on shore in a place that was almost impossible for him to be, and with his body in a state of decomposition that was completely incorrect for the amount of time he was missing. To some, it seemed like he had been alive for a significant part of the time he was missing.
I don’t know, man. There’s more, but like oh shit! If this shit was a murder who the fuck killed him A, and B, why the FUCK would they try and make it look like an accident? What was this secretary bird of a man up to? Mafia shit? Still just plain ol’ spy shit? Demon hunter? Traitor? Talking shit down at the bar? GUESS WHAT? IT’S A MYSTERY.
I’LL KISS YOUR LIPS IF YOU CLICK THE PICTURE. I’LL KISS YOUR GODDAMN LIPS YOU FUCKING SCREW-HEADED PEACH CLUBBER. GET OUT OF MY FACE. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

Just what is it that makes a spy the fucking BEST? How does anyone even know who the best fucking spy is? Fuck spies.

William Colby was the head of the CIAntral Intelligence Agency for three years in the fucking seventies, but before that he had his fingers all over shit like Vietnam and Phoenix. If you’re imagining like, a really shrewd looking bastard with like, a really American face and just the most BORING FUCKING GLASSES, you’re right bitch. That’s William MOTHERFUCKING E. Colby. This dude was tops.

But guess what, KIDS? He was so the fucking tops that this dude finally told everybody about a bunch of really bad shit the government did. For some SHITTY ASS REASON, the government called this information their Family Jewels. Oh shit. We’re the worst. No sweat dude. Imagine America’s a body. Got it? Sick. This shit we did’ll be the balls. IT’S A DEAL.

I bet you think that I’m going to tell you that someone fucking killed him for it. Maybe. Probably not. I don’t, look, I don’t fucking know why he died, and guess what, it was in the 90’s when he was an old ass man. YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT WAS SHADY AS FUCK THOUGH.

This weird stern bird of a man, according to like, the law and shit, died in a boating accident in New England where he lived and did a bunch of quiet old boring non-spy (probably) shit. Something about a heart attack or something. But like, there’s all this weirdness. Just before he died, for this story, which like, if you gotta read the whole thing, just click the fucking picture, but like, for this version of the story to work, he would have had to have completely broken a routine he was very set in, and then, according to people who found him, he would have had to have defied the laws of physics. He was found somewhere people already looked, washed up on shore in a place that was almost impossible for him to be, and with his body in a state of decomposition that was completely incorrect for the amount of time he was missing. To some, it seemed like he had been alive for a significant part of the time he was missing.

I don’t know, man. There’s more, but like oh shit! If this shit was a murder who the fuck killed him A, and B, why the FUCK would they try and make it look like an accident? What was this secretary bird of a man up to? Mafia shit? Still just plain ol’ spy shit? Demon hunter? Traitor? Talking shit down at the bar? GUESS WHAT? IT’S A MYSTERY.

I’LL KISS YOUR LIPS IF YOU CLICK THE PICTURE. I’LL KISS YOUR GODDAMN LIPS YOU FUCKING SCREW-HEADED PEACH CLUBBER. GET OUT OF MY FACE. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
The power of repetition is real and should not be written off. Think about it, you SHITS. The more people telling stories about something you weren’t there for, the more real it fucking SEEMS TO YOU. That’s why we’re all afraid of the same shit. That’s why nobody has an interesting ghost story anymore. But like, HELL, man. If that shit is true, where does it end? How much power can repetition give you? Can it give something physical form? Maybe, shit, I don’t know. Nobody does, really, probably will never either. BUTT, does that even really matter? Does the fact that there’s probably not werewolves make them less scary?
What about ghost dogs? In England and shit, there’s always fucking ghost dogs. That probably where people talking about ghost dogs got started a fucking THOUSAND YEARS AGO. But like look at this shit.
“About 7 years ago a friend and I had been driving back home, he dropping me off. We were on a long stretch of open road in the city, a snowy clear night. Visibility was good. He and I were joking, as I remember laughing and turning to say something, and I caught movement in front of us, looked forward , and we both said (expletive)! at the same time, and hit a large dog head on. It was standing directly in front of us, looking at us. I saw it in a flash before we heard and felt the thud of the car hitting it. 
I told him we had to go back and check on it. I have seen wounded dogs hit by cars, and wanted to see if it was alive. It took him a minute or so to turn around after cajoling him to go back and look for it. He figured it was dead. At the least I figured we needed to drag it out of the road. It looked to have been a husky, I saw a flash of grey fur. Having the road to ourselves, a clear moonlit night, and a very large open area of land to the right where we hit it, and its size, I figured it would be easy to spot. Besides, we hit it dead on. He was driving a Hinda Civic, and the dog easily stood above the height of the hood. A wounded dog that big would be simple to spot. It wasn’t. I rolled down the window and sat on the door, perched halfway out of the car so I could see everywhere. There was no sign of it at all. With the distance we had to drive to turn around, and as hard as we hit it, it was unnerving. The distance into the hills was too far for an injured dog to run, and the field was clear, even better, the snow and moon gave plenty of contrast to see clearly. Not a sign of the dog anywhere. The next morning my friend came back in and said he had found a ‘clear goo’ on his bumper. The strangest part was a few days later he said he was driving in same area at night, and saw the dog again on the same road looking at him as he passed.I have heard of the ‘woman in white’ sightings, but never a ghost dog. Especially never one where two people saw the dog, and felt and heard a solid impact on the vehicle. ”
This is a real story about ghost dogs and if you CLICK THE PICTURE UP THERE, you’ll see a-fucking-nother one. Ask yourself if they’re crazy people you’re seeing. Ask yourself if all the details are there on the page or if you’re imagining them because you’ve heard it all before. Ask yourself if what you’re staring at there is the blood and guts of Black Shuck and Barghest and Pooka, cycling and shedding its dead cells for new ones, and granting the ghost dog a power and an immortal quality none of us will ever fully perceive.
AND FUCK, MAN. CLICK. GOOD BOY. (GIRLS TOO, DAMN). YOU GET A TREAT.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

The power of repetition is real and should not be written off. Think about it, you SHITS. The more people telling stories about something you weren’t there for, the more real it fucking SEEMS TO YOU. That’s why we’re all afraid of the same shit. That’s why nobody has an interesting ghost story anymore. But like, HELL, man. If that shit is true, where does it end? How much power can repetition give you? Can it give something physical form? Maybe, shit, I don’t know. Nobody does, really, probably will never either. BUTT, does that even really matter? Does the fact that there’s probably not werewolves make them less scary?

What about ghost dogs? In England and shit, there’s always fucking ghost dogs. That probably where people talking about ghost dogs got started a fucking THOUSAND YEARS AGO. But like look at this shit.

About 7 years ago a friend and I had been driving back home, he dropping me off. We were on a long stretch of open road in the city, a snowy clear night. Visibility was good. He and I were joking, as I remember laughing and turning to say something, and I caught movement in front of us, looked forward , and we both said (expletive)! at the same time, and hit a large dog head on. It was standing directly in front of us, looking at us. I saw it in a flash before we heard and felt the thud of the car hitting it. 

I told him we had to go back and check on it. I have seen wounded dogs hit by cars, and wanted to see if it was alive. It took him a minute or so to turn around after cajoling him to go back and look for it. He figured it was dead. At the least I figured we needed to drag it out of the road. It looked to have been a husky, I saw a flash of grey fur. Having the road to ourselves, a clear moonlit night, and a very large open area of land to the right where we hit it, and its size, I figured it would be easy to spot. Besides, we hit it dead on. He was driving a Hinda Civic, and the dog easily stood above the height of the hood. A wounded dog that big would be simple to spot. It wasn’t. 
I rolled down the window and sat on the door, perched halfway out of the car so I could see everywhere. There was no sign of it at all. With the distance we had to drive to turn around, and as hard as we hit it, it was unnerving. The distance into the hills was too far for an injured dog to run, and the field was clear, even better, the snow and moon gave plenty of contrast to see clearly. Not a sign of the dog anywhere. 
The next morning my friend came back in and said he had found a ‘clear goo’ on his bumper. The strangest part was a few days later he said he was driving in same area at night, and saw the dog again on the same road looking at him as he passed.I have heard of the ‘woman in white’ sightings, but never a ghost dog. Especially never one where two people saw the dog, and felt and heard a solid impact on the vehicle. ”

This is a real story about ghost dogs and if you CLICK THE PICTURE UP THERE, you’ll see a-fucking-nother one. Ask yourself if they’re crazy people you’re seeing. Ask yourself if all the details are there on the page or if you’re imagining them because you’ve heard it all before. Ask yourself if what you’re staring at there is the blood and guts of Black Shuck and Barghest and Pooka, cycling and shedding its dead cells for new ones, and granting the ghost dog a power and an immortal quality none of us will ever fully perceive.

AND FUCK, MAN. CLICK. GOOD BOY. (GIRLS TOO, DAMN). YOU GET A TREAT.


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
So yeah Chris Benoit was the WWE guy who spent a weekend being super messed up, choking his wife and son to death, and then hanging himself. Something about super buff guys doing horrible shit is just more FUCKED, right? Fuck you, yes it is right.
But then, like, what if I told you about the time that the internet seemed like it was alive? 14 hours before anybody found everybody dead, at a time when Benoit was likely still fucking alive but probably sad as shit, from two separate IP addresses, neither of which were anywhere NEAR his fucking house in Georgia, his wikipedia was edited slightly to include the detail that Benoit was not doing well lately due to the death of his wife. Both were quickly corrected, but when investigated, one of the addresses was in Australia, so like, fucking WHATEVER, but the other one was from Connecticut, near WWE headquarters.
Hey, FUCK! Hey, okay. Hey, who could have known about Benoit? Who could have known? Maybe somewhere in the world there’s a hole through which all the knowledge anyone has ever or will known enters all the time, and this little factoid came through a little earlier than it was supposed to. Maybe Benoit was a hacker after all but he sucked at covering up murders. Maybe there was someone on the inside at the WWE who wasn’t happy about how cool everyone was being about secretly knowing Benoit was a murderer and tried, albeit extremely passive-aggressively, to leak the secret. Maybe not. I think the internet’s alive, so that’s how I’m choosing to explain this to myself. But like, fuck if I know. SHIT.
AND CLICK YOU GODDAMN BASTARDS. CLICK OR PRETTY SOON I’LL JUST START MAKING SHIT UP. HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE? CLICK ON THE PICTURE, YOU FUCK.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

So yeah Chris Benoit was the WWE guy who spent a weekend being super messed up, choking his wife and son to death, and then hanging himself. Something about super buff guys doing horrible shit is just more FUCKED, right? Fuck you, yes it is right.

But then, like, what if I told you about the time that the internet seemed like it was alive? 14 hours before anybody found everybody dead, at a time when Benoit was likely still fucking alive but probably sad as shit, from two separate IP addresses, neither of which were anywhere NEAR his fucking house in Georgia, his wikipedia was edited slightly to include the detail that Benoit was not doing well lately due to the death of his wife. Both were quickly corrected, but when investigated, one of the addresses was in Australia, so like, fucking WHATEVER, but the other one was from Connecticut, near WWE headquarters.

Hey, FUCK! Hey, okay. Hey, who could have known about Benoit? Who could have known? Maybe somewhere in the world there’s a hole through which all the knowledge anyone has ever or will known enters all the time, and this little factoid came through a little earlier than it was supposed to. Maybe Benoit was a hacker after all but he sucked at covering up murders. Maybe there was someone on the inside at the WWE who wasn’t happy about how cool everyone was being about secretly knowing Benoit was a murderer and tried, albeit extremely passive-aggressively, to leak the secret. Maybe not. I think the internet’s alive, so that’s how I’m choosing to explain this to myself. But like, fuck if I know. SHIT.

AND CLICK YOU GODDAMN BASTARDS. CLICK OR PRETTY SOON I’LL JUST START MAKING SHIT UP. HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE? CLICK ON THE PICTURE, YOU FUCK.


MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.
So. Man has Suzy. Suzy is a dog. Beautiful Golden Retriever. Man goes on hike. Man brings Suzy. Man looses Suzy. Man leaves trail to look for Suzy. Finds Suzy. Suzy is screaming. Creature has Suzy. Creature pries Suzy apart. Man watches Suzy’s spine slide out of her body. Dog turns to ash. Man is afraid. Man has branch. Man swings at creature. Creature is hurt. Creature is down. Man is scared.
Man walks around. Man is afraid. Man wanders for two hours. Man heads back. Man sees Obelisk. Floating craft in the woods. Man is scared. Man is curious.
Curious man take alien home. Man takes video of alien body as it slowly dies. Man is afraid. Man gets visitors. Alien is gone. Man is scared.
Man’s friends die. Man is afraid. Man writes book? Man is rich?
This is a real fucking story of a real fucking man and his alien story and the pictures and the videos oh the chilly fucking videos with the both bloody and delirious alien body and just no no no I wish I hadn’t seen it.
And the Obelisk looms, blurred and still.
Find out what happened out there in the woods? What horrors do the mid-ninties hold. What killed Suzy?
CLICK TO SEE. SUE SEES. SUZY THE ASH LAB. CLICK FOR SUZY THE IN HALF ASH LAB DOG. FUCKING DAMN.

MYSTERY SEARCH CONTINUES.

So. Man has Suzy. Suzy is a dog. Beautiful Golden Retriever. Man goes on hike. Man brings Suzy. Man looses Suzy. Man leaves trail to look for Suzy. Finds Suzy. Suzy is screaming. Creature has Suzy. Creature pries Suzy apart. Man watches Suzy’s spine slide out of her body. Dog turns to ash. Man is afraid. Man has branch. Man swings at creature. Creature is hurt. Creature is down. Man is scared.

Man walks around. Man is afraid. Man wanders for two hours. Man heads back. Man sees Obelisk. Floating craft in the woods. Man is scared. Man is curious.

Curious man take alien home. Man takes video of alien body as it slowly dies. Man is afraid. Man gets visitors. Alien is gone. Man is scared.

Man’s friends die. Man is afraid. Man writes book? Man is rich?

This is a real fucking story of a real fucking man and his alien story and the pictures and the videos oh the chilly fucking videos with the both bloody and delirious alien body and just no no no I wish I hadn’t seen it.

And the Obelisk looms, blurred and still.

Find out what happened out there in the woods? What horrors do the mid-ninties hold. What killed Suzy?

CLICK TO SEE. SUE SEES. SUZY THE ASH LAB. CLICK FOR SUZY THE IN HALF ASH LAB DOG. FUCKING DAMN.